Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
