Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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