i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
