went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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