i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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