he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
