around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize