Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
