why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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