he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
