It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
