Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
