I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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