Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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