Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize