too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
