you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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