There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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