Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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