he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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