It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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