I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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