Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
