You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
