i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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