Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
