my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
