Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
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