I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
