on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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