If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
