he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
