You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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