when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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