kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
