sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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