He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
