I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
