they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
