Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
