Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
