Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
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then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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