I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
