Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
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I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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