If i come over, it means nothing
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
