well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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