So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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