we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
