Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
