But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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