Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
