ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
