Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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