i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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