i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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