Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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