I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
