So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
