Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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