I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
