mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
