I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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