I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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