If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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