Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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