You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
honey bunches of taint.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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