i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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