Welp...herpes.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
