She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
