I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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