I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
