OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
