drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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