Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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