awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
