THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
