blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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